empty.

have you ever felt empty before?
no, i don't mean like an empty tummy...
i mean, just empty.
like there's nothing inside of you.
like something went and ripped everything out of you?

that's how i'm feeling today.
what a difference a day makes, right?
i feel like i am all alone right now.
i am rambling on here in hopes that perhaps me rambling will make me feel better.
this is like word vomit right now.
oh speaking of that, i've had the flu since i've been back from chicago. (no bueno)

i feel hurt. lost. alone. afraid. happy. anxious. excited. nervous. scared.
i feel like being a young single lady has its ups and downs.
i feel like i am running against the wind and am not moving hardly at all.
but i am moving.
slowly.  ever so slowly.

i had a really good chat with my Heavenly Father last night. and guess what?
everything is going to be ok.
no matter what life throws at me.
i know that God is there to listen to me.  to hear me complain.
i know that God sends angels to us at different times in our lives.
i know that i am where i'm supposed to be.
i am so hollow inside right now, but i trust and know that God will take care of me.

i know that i am important to God, and for me, that's good enough.
i am far from perfect.
i am selfish and sometimes unkind.
i am proud and like to be right.
i like to have control of my life.
but God has different plans for me.
i know He is trying to let me grow, but He has his way of teaching me.
i need to be more humble.
more patient.
more kind.
more loving.
i've got a lot to work on.


sometimes i feel like singing "jesus take the wheel" because "i can't do this on my own"
i feel like i've had a spiritual re-awakening. (i need these every few months, dontcha know?)
even though i feel like i'm losing one of my dearest friends, i know God will take care of the details.
i know that i met my dear friend for a reason.
i am not upset or angry about what happened between us.
i am a better woman for having known you.
God is aware of me.  aware of you. aware of every little concern we have.
life is but a short moment and i needed to remember to not lose sight of things i want most.
to not let myself become so selfish.
to not let go of my dreams.

i know this is a lot of word vomit, but i feel better.
i don't even care if you read this, blog friend.
i just feel better knowing that i got my feelings out.